The real struggle with adulting.
Are you doing okay friend?
Some of the greatest moms I know, are in the picture above. All of these ladies are Moms and became moms at different ages in life. I was 19 when I had my first child (Hayley) she was 30 when she had her first! Now mom is a (superhero) term if your asking me , but to the rest of the world.... we are just mom.. with duties, chores, taxis, money, and cooking....Now unless you are one (A MOM) ..I dont think the world understands the weight we carry at times.. (Now if your a man and reading this.. we know you have burdens as well, but its just different IMO. ) I give mad props to the Dads out there sweating in the heat and getting that overtime. Getting up every morning day after day to go provide.. So please don't feel like I am bashing the dads! But this is for my girls!
I know every woman that I consider close to me struggles in more ways than one. I am no exception to that list! Raising such a big family, It has always been chaos, and by chaos I mean that in a great way! My home was always hustling and bustling with something going on. Taking this child to baseball, twirl, football, rodeoing, managing your home, job, paying the bills, making sure groceries were in the house, everyone's clothes are washed, homework is done, all the while trying to keep yourself together. Its seems as though you are, on the outside looking in (DOING A GREAT JOB) .. the world looks at your (fakebook) and insta, they think man she is doing it..
Social media has really influenced so many moms these days.. I mean here we all are watching reels and Tik Toks, we see the life of others.. and become star struck of their well put together homes ,and cute little outfit choices, great hair, nails, and here they are drinking coffee in a cute matching Stanley! (where do they even store all of those cups in their cupboards anyway) ....I don't know about you , but I think to myself.. "Gosh why cant I be more like that" she seems so together and smiling, happy and looking so cute doing it! Now I am guilty of following the social media hype. I find at times it motivates me to go reorganize something, or purchase a nifty gadget ,that's the great part of social media . Sometimes ...I feel like it makes me feel like I am not enough. Now ....NO ....I am not ready to jump off a bridge (just yet) LMBO .. but in all seriousness, I know y'all know what I am talking about.. (or maybe it is just me) that feels this way.. Maybe your life is together , however mine is not.
Women go through so many things in their time here on earth, so many different stages of things and emotions. lets talk about those stages!
STAGE ONE : 16-20 .... Young woman, ( hormones come into the picture) this is a great time in your life.. No responsibility at the moment except, working your little job, going to school, and figuring out where you and your friends are going to your next concert. For some their parents are still carrying a lot of your stress load. Not a lot of real weight on your shoulders. Thats a great thing.. don't rush it girls.. you got plenty of time to grow up.. it will happen and be at your front door before you know it.. AND when it arrives well .. lets just say ( YOU WERE WARNED).
STAGE TWO: 21-25 ..... okay here it is ...looking for love.. (in all the wrong places) Some people are ready for wifey status ... we are in the club.. that magic age just hit, and its time to partayyyy . We are hanging out with our friends, shopping, lunch at cute little places around town, roof top bars, living it up ! Others may be working on careers (via school, or getting serious about what we are going to do , in in life ).
STAGE THREE: 23-26 ..... We have met the man of our dreams and planning the wedding of a lifetime! This is the stage where we are becoming more aware that our friends are slowly getting placed to the back of the line.. After all, that is the order of things.. We still love our girls, but the tides have turned and we have a different focus . We cant wait to hear the pitter patter of little feet running through the house.. we become new moms, not realizing what a task we just took on .. The responsibilities we have just committed to. The sleep we are going to lose , wearing the same clothes for days , but .... we are young and guess what... in our minds ... we can do it all... and this is the stage of life where your spouse starts to get the back seat... We as women are like animals ...when they place a child in our arms for the first time.. Our teeth are showing if anyone comes near the child. We are in the mode that I think God intended for us.. To love and nurture this gift he has given to us. Our hormones are just as crazy as we are ... and they are busting at the seams .. all over the place.. one minute we are happy and the next minute we are crying like we dropped our lollipop in dog poop. Husband is thinking .. ( has she lost her mind) "Yes I have Joe .. ITS GONE ! (in a high pitched scream" )
STAGE FOUR: 26-35... These are the years we spend doing it all.. Raising our babies , again sports, practices, running kids around town, theme parks, pageants, and the list goes on and on.. this stage happens so fast ...one minute they are babies and the next minute they are grown.. BOOM just like that .. kids become more independent and need you less (so they think) ... we as women are right as rain and just surviving the day to day ..
STAGE FIVE: ... 35-45 Kids are less dependent on you now... they're driving now and really do for their self..(except money and new tires ) they still need you for that! Your kids are changing and growing up ..This is the time in your life where you start changing too.. Hormones have appeared again ( and they are pissed at you for some reason).. All of a sudden your body is changing and you think your going crazy .. The doctors are saying your too young for your body to change.. The doctor wants to do all of these crazy procedures like , hysterectomy, birth control.. I hated birth control when I was younger.. it made me crazy then (how is that supposed to help me now)
STAGE SIX: 50 YEARS OLD .. This is the Tonya stage... The stage where it all seems to be a struggle.. where the kids are grown up and my focus has changed.. this is my era to worry about me a little more .. we Had a collogue that recently had some issues with her mental health.. she was missing .. and found safe praise God! I cant help but think about her all of the time.. What was her breaking point....I can relate AT TIMES to just running away and hiding out in the woods.. (Hayley would find me with life 360) she always is checking my location... However, I don't personally know her struggles in life.. No one knows the weight on anyone's shoulders .. From the outside it all looked well.. thriving business, beautiful family..... as it does for many of us.. but the battles we battle in silence are like full blown WAR at times! I mean we cant be it all... we cant be in all of the places and do all of the things .... when mama goes down ....who lifts her up.. who is really there for her.. I have spent the last hour typing and demonstrating all of the ways mama is always there for them, but who has mamas back.. (Please dont read that and think for a second I am talking poorly about my family ..I am not.. this is a metaphor being used here..) Who really tries to sit down and understand what mama is going through.. These hormones are No joke.. and have been messing with us ..our whole life ...they play with us in ways that are undescribed in any text book.. No we are not crazy.. No we are not sick.. I am not the person I used to be.. its crazy.. I am not in the stages before me..
I am currently in stage six ..titled my own stage..
This is the stage of life where.. I have slowed a bit.. I am so happy not trying to keep up with the Jones, tik tok, or even fakebook.. the problem is no one understands this stage.. no one..... understands NOT EVEN ME.. I am a people pleaser and have always been ....I am SIMPLY done.. I need to figure out what pleases me and brings me joy in life ..SINCE I HAVE SPENT SO MANY YEARS looking after others.. (Now.. yall know.... thats a job ..I am not about to give up.. I adore my family ! ) That statement has nothing to do with my business , but in ways it does.. I have learned to walk away from those things in photography that bring me no joy..Like certain types of sessions.. Big weddings for example...bring me no joy any longer... so I tossed them.. I have learned its okay not to be put together at all times and its ok to say NO .. I am trying to navigate this stage myself. I don't have answers ..I don't know the solution.. The only thing I do know ..is it has me .. depression has me at times, not being good enough has me at times... I have to ask myself "who am I trying to be all of these things for"? ..
My family does not understand where I am in this stage .. This is the stage where you put on your spurs and ride till you get the buck out... There are days where you just need to be alone AND TALK TO THE GREAT PHYSICIAN, GOD! I told you guys I was going to be real.. Liza said but "why do it on your photography page".. my reply was simply "because its who I am and these people love me no matter what"..They are real people too .. with some of the same issues... They come to me.. and we talk about so many things while doing our sessions... I see it.. I see your kids are acting crazy .. I see the grumpy husbands ...I SEE YOU are FRUSTRATED ....I want to love you through it.. . I see your struggles and respect them.. Sometimes I don't see your struggles... and you continue smiling for the world, like we are programmed to do.. reach out to me and say "hey ..you got a minute...( No I am no trained professional, but I am a woman and I get it..) my life is no different than any other womans in this world.. some are just better at hiding it than others..
I want to help you if I can.. sometimes, all we need is an understanding heart and an ear willing to listen .. I don't want anyone to be in stage SIX alone... . Just know.. if I ever see you and you dont seem okay... I am going to ask " are you okay friend" Now what happens after that is on you.. You can lie and say yes... or you can choose to just let it out.. but always know I am going to make time to hear you .. If not me then reach out to your bestie.. go for a car ride, take a lunch date, go for a walk, talk to your pastor... Take a short getaway with your husband, Just go make time for you ! We need a minute sometimes to just love us !
This old world puts a lot of stress on us girls.. Maybe thats because were not as strong as the men...BUT....Maybe .....its because we are stronger! Please always know I am here. Mamas you are not alone.. in your struggles.. YOU ARE ALL SUPERHEROS TO ME ! LOVE YALL
